Shortly after the last post, one of the LJ AIM bots got me. I'm used to ignoring these things by now, but its message...well...

BATS AREN'T BUGS!!

I have been blessed by Calvin and Hobbes. This is clearly a Good Day.

One more week, and smooth sailing for the term...which is over in only another week past that.

I'm in a better place than I've ever been in my life. I feel more alive, the I that is me is in better shape than ever before, and though I'm still always learning, still always growing, still having a headache from the massive shifts in brain chemistry (without meds, thank you Big Pharma)...

I think I'll be okay.

Oh, and yeah. I'll have an announcement to make soon. How soon? Soon. A girl never kisses and tells, though...

I feel that I should write more, elaborate upon my strange journey, speculate as to where I need to go next, but...but right now, I think I might just make myself a cup of tea, maybe settle-in with a good book (or at least one by Pratchett), and wait for a certain phone call. Because I'm good like that.

Win.

Q: What's the one thing I fear more than anything, I think?

A: Being loved.

Q: What's the one thing I fear even more than that?

A: Being in love.

( A change? )

( A doozy? )

For those of you wondering why I don't post much 'round here anymore: the blog and Facebook have eaten me. Send help.

( No shushing. )

Remember that awesome Franken Amendment I wrote about a little while ago, wherein independent contractors couldn't settle allegations of sexual harassment through arbitration?

That didn't take long. From a fucking veteran, no less...

1. Write the first two lines of a story.
   
2. Post the next three lines in a comment.
   
3. Harass friends that might be interested in joining the story circle.
   
4. Keep posting replies...


5. Call it at forty lines.

There's a reason I haven't written any rants in the past few months, and it's only partially to do with the chaos of my personal life.

Admittedly, I find myself torn.

On the one hand, we have an entire subset of the population devoted to crying "foul" at every turn, over the most nonsensical thing. Birthers, teabaggers, and other such types who are, I want to believe, just wholly confused at their core, scared of all that has gone wrong over the past decade or so, and left utterly malleable by the noise machine who has kept them desperate, misinformed, and angry.

And of that noise machine? Far worse things have come about. I'm not even talking about the cheering of the U.S. losing an Olympic bid, or even relegating the Nobel Peace Prize to some fourth-class status at a time when our country might have something to be proud of, at long last. After all, when one "side" has a power structure far more reliant on the words of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck more than its own elected leaders, things like that are going to happen.

Especially when one issue in particular -- race -- has never been approached openly in this country, until perhaps being forced ever-so-slowly into the open by our current president. With that comes the specter of racism, of language so charged by such fear and hatred that it, too, taints the discourse. Again, I don't need to refer to the signs comparing PresidentObama to a primate, or the new meme floating around that a "raccoon" will win the next Nobel; just the prevalence of the "birther" movement alone should indicate that portions of our nation still have difficulty surmounting the outdated concept of "the Other."

And yet, race is not the only issue. Under our last president, the GOP, for the most part, insisted that opponents needed to "get on board," for the president then was "the decider," and should be held in the highest esteem accordingly. Yet, now the legislative modus operandi is "obstruct at all costs," complete with Democrats -- the majority party in the Congress since January 2007, and the controlling party now in 2009 -- still bowing to notions of "bipartisanship" that, while claiming to serve the interests of a "center-right nation," only seem to benefit the conservative movement.

One need look no farther than the health care debate to see this principle in action: while even prominent Republicans, such as former presidential candidate Bob Dole and Governor Schwarzenegger of California, are calling for a public option, many of their fellow Republicans in the Senate refuse to impose any limits on private insurance companies. Yet, rather than forcing legislation through reconciliation -- the process by which a bill may pass the Senate under a simple majority, rather than a two-thirds majority -- many prominent Democrats in the Senate are instead seeking to reach a "bipartisan" solution, cutting key provisions (such as a public option itself) in favor of forging a bill more senators would support.

This might be admirable, were it not for those on the opposition going on record, again and again, that even with the watered-down bill, they still will not vote "aye" when it comes to the floor for a vote. And this is not the first legislation of the past session that such a tactic has been used; the Wall Street bailouts also had their moments of "bipartisan design" without yielding any significant results or benefits. Indeed, the current Republican Party, vastly different than that of Eisenhower's time, seems only intent on two goals: regaining the same sweeping power they enjoyed from 1994 onwards, and doing or saying anything to attain that goal, even if it means working against the best interests of the American public.

But that leads me to the other side of the argument that has left me, as a somewhat-conscious follower of things political, completely uncertain.

Currently, there are only a few Democrats -- Florida Rep. Alan Grayson and Senator Al Franken among them -- who not only understand that they even have the majority that they do, but a mandate for the type of change President Obama campaigned on during the last cycle. Even the current administration has faltered in some very big ways: the decision to "look forward" rather than seriously investigate the higher branches of government involved in the previous administration's torture regime; similarly, the decision to continue support for rendition programs, the delay in closing Guantanamo Bay, and the truly Kafkaesuqe idea of "preventative detention" all came at the bequest of the administration; the atrocious Wall Street bills left largely unaltered from the previous administration, leading to questions regarding certain appointments (particularly Secretary Geithner himself) to the Treasury; among other concerns over other promises yet unfulfilled, including the largely ceremonial appeals to the LGBT community.

While it is true that, in order to undo some of the authoritarian aspects of the previous administration, such changes need to originate from the legislative branch -- indeed, it has even been suggested that movement on DADT and DOMA will be made from Congress, rather than any further executive order -- here, too, there has been a significant failure, particularly in the Senate. While the House Progressive Caucus has emerged in recent months, a substantial voting bloc that attempts to align legislation with progressive ideals (and, it is believed, with the aforementioned voter mandate), the Senate lacks such a powerful voice committed to the "original" ideals of the Democratic Party. While Speaker Pelosi has, on occasion, risen to the task of defending such legislation (particularly the refusal to pass a bill in the House unless the public option is preserved), Senate Majority Leader Reid has failed to take any strong stance beyond this growing myth of "bipartisanship," even giving Senator Baccus -- he of the bill that not only imposes a mandate, but also fails to provide a public option or any significant cost controlling measures -- the "controlling seat" in the Senate bill's development.

Yet, these were the same individuals elected on the promise that things would be different from the previous eight years. Instead, we have some of the worst decisions of the previous administration lingering in the executive branch, and a legislative body more committed to preserving the status quo of Republican dominance rather than taking the initiative on key issues. Even if DADT, DOMA, and the pending Wall Street regulatory measures proposed by the White House make it to the floor, what hope is there that, even with 59 Senators and a strong majority of Democrats in the House, such measures won't be watered-down by Republican obstructionism and capitulation by the Blue Dog Caucus and their sympathizers in the Senate?

So given the current political climate, I, a mere observer, cannot honestly say where things might be heading. There are causes for hope, such as the passage of the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and the successful inclusion of Amendment 2588 in the recent Department of Defense Appropriations bill. Yet, there are reasons to doubt that any significant action on curbing climate change, which one party still, as a whole, refuses to even acknowledge, or enacting stringent oversight to corporations that engage in the same methods that led to the current recession.

We've only had less than a year. The pragmatist -- that side of me that is constantly being appealed to in the administration's own rhetoric -- says "give it more time." But I fear that if things are not treated with the same level of ambition and immediacy as any other form of emergency, there will be little cause for hope, indeed.

even here, there is hope.

a trickle of water, into a green pond,
memories of mountain runoff bubble up to the surface
on the backs of lonesome fish
not yet ready for the change in seasons

each bubble pops with the sound of laughter
hidden in the click-click-click of cameras
tourists.

i am no different.
this place is just temporary
the trees not as resplendent in autumnal regalia
as where I can see the multitude
of the sea of stars in the nighttime

but, perhaps...

who is to say
I am not the fish
      (for perhaps they prefer
      the solitary style of the fall?)

lost in the trickling
slipping through rocks and moss-green
in the only place that feels like home.

and all it took
was a high-five from some vagabond poet
who at least told a story worth a damn
if not sincere in his sentiments.

as a bird bathes in the cold green waters
i wonder if i will be
half the storyteller he is.

hell if i'm ever the poet.

even now, i must try
despite no mountains or laughter
of sweet-hearted friends
nor the lake or rivers
of elegant herons in summertime

for at least there are waterfalls in miniature
a canopy of ancient, wise green
and birdsong.

even here, there is hope.

I hope three things come into being in the next year of my life: meaningful health care reform, meaningful regulation of Wall Street, and the repeal of DADT / DOMA.

Oh, three more: meaningful action on climate change, the restoration of the rule of law, and actual investigations into the previous administration's lawbreaking.

Now, ask me how optimistic I am about any of them.

I want this man as my Senator, damnit.

Maserati + Mono = Win.

Getting to meet members of a band I have been into since Kindercore was still a label = MOAR WIN.

Summation: Maserati make explosions happen constantly. They are a rolling explosion, for the most part, with some psychadelic melodies thrown-in for good measure. And damn if keyboard-sounding guitar effects don't do them justice. Mono, on the other hand, could lull you into a peaceful state or quiet contemplation. Then the explosions happen, quite quickly and quite loudly. Very dramatic, very emotional, very explodey.

I needed this concert. I fell in love with one of my favorite bands again, and finally opened-up to one that I've never been able to fully get into. The ears ringing are totally worth it.

Paid first and last month, plus a utility deposit. Can start moving crap over whenever, and it'll be vacant by the first. Can stay as long as I can pay, so I'll probably stick around 'til the end of May, cut back up north for the summer months, and try to land a place with a few people come August.

One of my former students from my student teaching days tried to add me as a friend on Facebook. Creepy.

My stomach has been kicking my ass today. I will likely be bedridden for a good portion of the day.

Whee!

I might have a place. For a while.

Yay!

Still no place. Still no real social life. Still no space to call my own. Still no people to spend the days beside. Still no greater satisfaction about what I'm doing in grad school. Still no progress on submitting stories for publication. Still no confidence where it counts. Still too many questions, not enough answers.

I've lived in this city for a month now. I was always told "to make it here, you have to know exactly who you are, and exactly where you're going." But such things were never my modus operandi.

We'll see.

I'll get to work on the story requests within the next week or two, and the blog will begin in October. If you like what I do with it, feel free to tell your friends and cohorts, and get some buzz going.

Really. I can only scribble so many times at the other blog before running out of ideas...

Tim Wise, whom I've mentioned in the past when writing about contemporary racism and the antiracist movement, has written an essay about Ayn Rand over at the Great Orange Satan. It's worth a read, despite slightly hating him for being more articulate than I could ever be on the subject.

Really, though. Another disturbing thing about Rand: almost all of her female characters wound-up in physically abusive relationships with her Galt-esque males. And this was, in her own eyes, a good thing. At least she wasn't a big fan of guns, I suppose...

I'm starting a new project. The gist: ask me to write a story about _________. I will then write it in as few words as I am willing.

Yes. I am a whore. Now start posting replies!